I get up early, get Bubs to day care and stop for coffee for myself and Ryan on the way home.  Time to nap but no my brain is going a million miles a minute, so what can I accomplish instead?  I call and get everything worked out with work so I can have a few weeks off to let the medicine start to work.

Why time off?  Well from what I have read is that you can have triggers.  Triggers are what makes things worse for the day or really kick starts those feelings.  I believe work one may be one of them, so some time off to get back to myself is needed.

Mom texts and says, “have time for lunch?” OF COURSE!  Getting out of the house is my favorite thing to do!  Wandering around malls and people watching is so relaxing to me even if I’m not purchasing.  So of course, I say let’s meet at NorthPark and eat at the food court, best people watching.

I get ready, grab my purse and out the door I go.  I make it to NorthPark which is about 10 miles from house at 1140, mom has until about 115.  I go inside, get to the food court and realize I don’t have my wallet.  I usually have a credit card just thrown in my purse but nope not today.  There goes all my plans to be out of the house today, I have no money and at thirty years old, I’m not about to ask my mom to give me money to let me shop and enjoy myself.

I text my husband and tell him what happened.  His response, “what a mess lol.”  Normal Amy would’ve been like yep, always a mess, always all over the place with a million things going on at once, but not today.

My thought process was as follows, “why would he say that to me? am I really a mess?  How do you not check your purse for your wallet?  My day is ruined.  Guess I’ll just go home and nap and try again tomorrow.”

Then I decided, no I am not going to let this slow me down.  I’ll buy a giftcard online to go get my hair done but of course I forgot to hit confirm appointment so I didn’t get it.  Then I looked at other places which were all booked but one, YES!  Nope their policies aren’t clearly written when you book(needed a 3 hour window or you weren’t guaranteed) so ended up cancelling that appointment.  Hours spent on this with no results.  I spent so much time on this I didn’t do anything for 2 and half hours of my day.

Thank god for my mom and my friend.  Mom bought Bubs some new clothes while we were at NorthPark which is what I was going to do.  It was my friend’s birthday so she said let’s have us time!  Hubs agreed and we got to go spend the night out and enjoy food, drinks, & gossiping!  It was definitely needed but this isn’t me.

The thoughts, the constant trying to fix everything and make it right until it drives me crazy, not me.  I also love to make people happy and I will go to extremes to do so, ask my husband, but not to the point I’m exhausting myself like I do now.  It’s almost like I can see or feel what I am doing but I just can’t seem to control it.

Friday,  you already tried to knock me down but I will push through.

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